5/9

It has been awhile since my last entry.  I’ve had so much on my mind, yet I can’t seem to organize my thoughts enough to write them out.  Nothing new in that regard, I suppose.  As I will sometimes look back on previous entries, I seem to have always had some struggle with articulation when it comes to matters of the heart and the head. 

At the moment life is interesting. Some things have changed and some things seem as though they never will.  I realize I cannot affect the latter, so I instead try to focus on the things I can move.  Myself. 

There are some days when I feel life is working in my favor, but as soon as I begin to bask in the relief of finally being able to coast a little, something happens and I find myself right back into some dark corner in my mind.  I often wonder if this is how it will always be. It’s not that I  expect things should or will always be easy, but should they always be difficult? 

I often look back and think of how I might have done things differently in some way, but then, what is the point of that? While I do believe hindsight holds much wisdom, I feel if we keep our focus on what is behind us we will only find regret hiding in the crevices. I would rather look forward but I’m somewhat at a loss because I don’t have any certainties about what the future holds. I can only hope something good is waiting for me when I finally get there.  

Overall though, I can’t really complain. These small issues are really just that; small, and pale in comparison to some of the larger issues in life. And so for that, I am grateful.  I’m just sick and tired of jumping hurdles on what could be an easier strip of blacktop to travel on.  Maybe in some twisted way, these hurdles will aid in my benefit. 

Ok. Off to work now. 

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